That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
