I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
