When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
