The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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