you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize