i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
