I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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