worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
