oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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