Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
