Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
only you would photoshop your dick
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
