i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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