I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
