My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
