yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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