I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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