Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
