my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
whose parrot is this?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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