I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
