My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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