3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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