$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
