after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
