Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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