Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
