You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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