just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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