Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
