You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize