Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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