I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
so much tequila, so little girl.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
