Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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