He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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