Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
