Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
