I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
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