Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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