I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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