Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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