I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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