Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
