yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
