you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
