I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
