There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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