that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
