there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
