Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
