Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
farters have to be the big spoon...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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