I got chris browned last night
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
