dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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