Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
