There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
