I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
