Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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