The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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