i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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