hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
