Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
