Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
