Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize