dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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