yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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