My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
