I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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