I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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