The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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