I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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