don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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