Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
