I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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