It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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