I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
