so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
