Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
