I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
