I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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