I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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