we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
