Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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