I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
