Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
