just survived the first fart of the relationship.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
