I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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