So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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