I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
