so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
