Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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