eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
